Sad heart-swollen eyes

With excitement I went to my 10 week dr. visit this week. Would it be one of two was the question of the day.  Because of my past history of multiples he gave me an ultrasound. He searched and searched for that little fluttler-but nothing. Reality setting in that there was no heartbeat-no baby. I felt foolish for telling everyone so early on, for complaining of being fatigued, for unbuttoning my pants because of my growing uterus.
Had a D&C the next morning-I am here but not really here-it's a surreal experience.

Trials bring blessings- meals, messages, phone calls, texts, hugs-support and love. Having others serve you is an interesting thing...Tender mercies along the way.

A sweet husband who has been doing everything-including holding me every night as I cry.

4 adorable babies who have been giving me gentle hugs and telling me they love me.

The ache in my arms, heart and stomach is still there. It's getting better everyday, and comes and goes.

I know that something was not right with the baby-and that Heavenly Father has a plan, I have  had much peace and comfort during this trial but wanted to journal this experience.
I might be gone for a bit-taking this time to heal emotionally and physically.

How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.
~Author Unknown.

More Halloween

We had a lovely Halloween with all my family around. I sure do love homemade costumes-sadly, I can't sew-and I'm 9 weeks preggo-and 2 out of our 4 costumes were free hence, no homemade...maybe one of these years. I bought the boys costumes last year on clearance, and the girls were from my niece Courtney. 

We watched Hocus Pocus and went my wards trunk or treat! It was oh-so fab! Awesome games, horse rides, and yummy food. We sure are liking our new neighborhood out here...getting to know those around us. We live the best of both worlds-country in the city:)

Anyways here are are few more pics from the day...

I forgot to get individual ones of the girls....my sweethearts...I sure love being their Mommy and watching them grow.

 Do you love my new front entry way bench? Look at their faces....awww....

 All the cousins!!!

Baby Jesse-I asked him "How strong is Jesse?" SO STRONG!!

Snaps from the trunk or treat- Our awesome horse that lives across the street...she is so kind to kids!

 Our new neighbor that had us over for Goats milk ice cream...it was yummy!

On Monday we walked around our neighboorhood. It was quite the walk-the houses were far apart. It was fun to introduce our selves to our new neighbors that we haven't met yet. Every one tripped and fell except for Audree- it was rough...
Glad it's over, it was great!

Haloween Sneak Peak

I'm so in love...look at our beautiful offspring!!! More pictures soon....aren't they PRECIOUS!!!!

Disney Trip 2011

 We had some points saved up so we cashed them in-and took a fun weekend getaway to Disney and California. When the kids woke up on Friday we asked them if they wanted to go to school or go to Disneyland...very quietly they said, "Disney?" They didn't even know what was going on. We drove to California and got there about 3:00. We checked in and went to the beach-just to look at the water. Well of course the girls had to get in and we didn't stay there long because they were too cold. We headed back to the hotel and cleaned up and went to bed.

The next day we headed to the San Diego Safari Zoo-which we had fun at....except for the meltdowns from Clark. That boy does not do well without naps. It was a beautiful zoo with all the normal Zoo animals and then a beautiful safari park with animals.

 Here is Clark after he fell asleep after crying for 30 minutes. It was hard to be patient...this guy..

 The goats were a little skittish...

 We sure had fun with our cute Grandma-she was a great help!

We finished the Safari park and headed back to the beach...we bought some sand toys and towel's and headed back with suits in tow.

Day 2 and 3 was Disneyland. And BOY it was crowded!! When we booked it I didn't realize that Monday was a holiday-a 3 day weekend and my hormonal state couldn't take it!!! Esh-not to mention that is when I was starting the morning sickness and the fatigue. I told Doug I didn't want to come for 5 more years...
Then the shows, the parades, a nap back at the hotel, and my mood changed. Disney sure is magical and our kids did great! We feel so blessed to have family time and vacations together.

Poor Grant was scared of the animals...

Till we meet again Disney-We asked the kids whether they liked the zoo or the beach better...and they said the beach. Next time...a beach house will be fine for me:)

Simpler Times

Okay-I am behind on blogging-I have a big disney post coming soon-
Right before our trip we spent a cool evening out in the front yard. Watching the horses and listening to the chickens. We are at such a good place with our little multiple family. The girls in school all day and me with the boys. The girls come home, we play, do homework, make dinner, snuggle, read and enjoy each other. A few weeks ago I was feeling so content with everyone's growth. I was working on myself and my relationship with My husband and my children. Now-all that seems out the window. I barely make it off the couch everyday, let alone do the laundry in my beautiful laundry room or make dinner in my fancy kitchen. Man-pregnancy throws a wrench in things. But then I think about this sweet spirit or spirits that are going to come join our home-it puts things in a better perspective. Sorry for the true vent-just had these thoughts going through my head and want to remember not sugar coated.

We had the girls parent teacher conferences this week-and they are doing AWESOME! It's so amazing how much they are learning.

They love crafting still-cutting, taping and making something new everyday...and sharing all the cute stuff with us. It makes a mess, but they love it!

 This is Clark saying-"Awwww" They say that everytime they hears the clicks.

This is the girls new favorite thing-funny faces...make me smile

BAHA!!

Homework is fun outside...can't wait for the cooler weather:)

And these boys-Wow...such much fun!! They are so expressive. Especially our Clark-he sure is strong willed and gets upset in things don't go his way. Clark also is so quick to say he loves me and give me kisses all the time...he is adorable:) And Grant-lets us know too...but his little tender voice and smirk melts me.

Thankfully-no puking yet...just extreme fatigue. I swear if I don't get a nap everyday I'm a beast. So hormonal..my poor children and Dougie. I am praying everyday for strength.

Great reminders

I feel like now that this girls are in school and not by my side all day, my perspective of motherhood has changed.  I want to savor each word they say and shower them with love and joy. Sadly-life with multiple multiples is still stressful and I lose my temper all too often. I wanted to post these so that I can return to them often and remind myself how precious my 4 gifts are.

 President Hinckley said this:

"You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done?

If the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other satisfaction can compensate for your loss."

"Children need time to play, to make mistakes, to explore, and to simply be surrounded by the comforts of home. There is a mistaken belief that because children are endowed with the ability to learn quickly, we should actively take them to lessons to learn everything possible, at as an early of an age as possible. Children learn through play. They learn to experiment. They learn to cooperate, collaborate, negotiate, and tolerate frustration. Children require time to play in order to recover from the stress of separation from parents, from their room, from their toys, their siblings, and their stuffed animals. The magic of childhood is stolen when children are placed under the same time pressures as adults. When you are lying on your back staring at the sky, stories are imagined with clouds as the characters. Without the opportunity to spend 20 minutes staring at the clouds, we are depriving our children of their most magical gift—their imagination. Without imagination, society would not have invented anything. Our next generation of scientists, artists, doctors, and entrepreneurs need to be well rested, so they require time to sleep. They also require time to dream." Robert E. Daniels 

Blogging from the IPHONE!!!!!

Hello- can we talk for a second about the awesomeness of technology? I have so much to share. A few weeks ago my phone broke and so I had to go down and get a new one. Came out with a FANCY new iphone which is INCREDIBLE..if I do say so myself.
Anyways, the saddest part of this post is that I deleted a memory card with over 200 pictures on it!! WHAT! I still want to try to recover it, but meh! What's a post without pictures...IPHONE to the rescue.

Last Saturday we had a family day at the "Dinosaur" Museum. Not many dino's but really cool facts about natural history and Az. I had just deleted the pictures 2 seconds before this picture....These are from the regular camera...

 Okay...so the most exciting news of the month is that I had a 3 day Mommy-Get-a-way!! Wow...what a blessing. I took some flight mile points and flew to see my Best friend and cousin Lisa in Kentucky...what a beautiful place. My heart and my head were having a hard time with the move and the adjustment, and taking a step back from my reality and being with a spiritual person did amazing things for me. Lisa always has amazing advice, and was such an angel to spend time with. We went to Ikea in Cincinnati, Ohio and toured downtown...

The images that I lost were from that trip. WAH!!! So 2 Iphone pics will have to do. But I am going to try to get them back and share here.... I can't belive she lives in such a beautiful place. I felt like I was in a Pride and Prejudice movie the whole time. The whole experiance was good for my soul and I came home with a new perspective on life and motherhood. We decided that we have to get together at least once a year! Other highlights were, spending a whole day in Jammies watching BBC's wives and daughters, laughing until we were on the floor, long walks in the overcast skies, yummy food, and letting myself be me. 

These next pictures are all randomness of our lives the past few weeks...

These boys...They are in the throws of terrible two's Shopping, errands, getting them to do anything that they don't have in mind is like torture. But they are so stinking cute, talking all kinds, and being hilariously adorable. Grant came up to me yesterday and said, "Mom, your cute." They both say, "Awww-why you do dat?" Growing too quick

Most who know me, know I have a crazy Ice obsession. Soft crushed ice. Moving out to the boonies has been hard because there is nowhere close with soft good ice. Well I found one at my circle K, down the road and had to take a picture to document it's goodness.

These little's are so much fun. With the weather kinda cooling off, we have been spending time riding out bikes on the back porch...

Free movie night-Ice cream and popcorn for dinner...yeah. We all had tummy aches the next day.

Could you just die with their cuteness? They are doing so well and learning so much at school. I am so proud to be their mommy...They are in different classes, and thriving. While choosing their clothes one day I asked Olivia, "Why do you want to match your sister?" Her reply, "I want everyone at recess to know that Audree is my Sissy." Sweet girls. They come out from school holding hands most days. What a thing to have a sister and best friend.

Here we are at school lunch after volunteering there. It was noisy and rushed, no wonder why they come home with food...

They are always wanting to take pictures of themselves...

SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST! I am an Auntie again. Meet Elijah Jefferey. 10lbs 3 oz and OH SO Adorable! Christi is such an amazing example to me...this is her 7th and final baby! My uterus ached for just a moment while I was holding him....the cheeks were irresistible! Maybe there will be more IPHONE posts in the future.

ETA-While reading through this post it might seem a little narcissistic...whoop-er-daisy. Next time, no pics on me, just house and kids and the normal:)