With excitement I went to my 10 week dr. visit this week. Would it be one of two was the question of the day. Because of my past history of multiples he gave me an ultrasound. He searched and searched for that little fluttler-but nothing. Reality setting in that there was no heartbeat-no baby. I felt foolish for telling everyone so early on, for complaining of being fatigued, for unbuttoning my pants because of my growing uterus.
Had a D&C the next morning-I am here but not really here-it's a surreal experience.
Trials bring blessings- meals, messages, phone calls, texts, hugs-support and love. Having others serve you is an interesting thing...Tender mercies along the way.
A sweet husband who has been doing everything-including holding me every night as I cry.
4 adorable babies who have been giving me gentle hugs and telling me they love me.
The ache in my arms, heart and stomach is still there. It's getting better everyday, and comes and goes.
I know that something was not right with the baby-and that Heavenly Father has a plan, I have had much peace and comfort during this trial but wanted to journal this experience.
I might be gone for a bit-taking this time to heal emotionally and physically.
How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.
~Author Unknown.
A poem honoring my grief
3 years ago
