With excitement I went to my 10 week dr. visit this week. Would it be one of two was the question of the day. Because of my past history of multiples he gave me an ultrasound. He searched and searched for that little fluttler-but nothing. Reality setting in that there was no heartbeat-no baby. I felt foolish for telling everyone so early on, for complaining of being fatigued, for unbuttoning my pants because of my growing uterus.
Had a D&C the next morning-I am here but not really here-it's a surreal experience.
Trials bring blessings- meals, messages, phone calls, texts, hugs-support and love. Having others serve you is an interesting thing...Tender mercies along the way.
A sweet husband who has been doing everything-including holding me every night as I cry.
4 adorable babies who have been giving me gentle hugs and telling me they love me.
The ache in my arms, heart and stomach is still there. It's getting better everyday, and comes and goes.
I know that something was not right with the baby-and that Heavenly Father has a plan, I have had much peace and comfort during this trial but wanted to journal this experience.
I might be gone for a bit-taking this time to heal emotionally and physically.
How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.
~Author Unknown.
A poem honoring my grief
3 years ago
15 comments:
Oh, Leah, I'm totally crying. I love you!
hang in there. you adjust.
Sweet Leah, I have been thinking about you often and am sorry that I never acted on my thoughts. Big hug from me and I know that all will be well with time, Heavenly Father indeed has a plan and is always aware of our needs. Love you!
that's a beautiful poem. i hope you find comfort, my sweet.
my dear Leah,
I am so sorry for your loss. it must be awful! I love you so much and know you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I wish we were still neighbors! I hope you will feel better soon. love always my friend! Love, Loree
Love you, dear friend. Hoping for your comfort and a piercing knowledge of God's love for you. I have another friend that was prompted to blog her walk through grief. If you feel so inclined, her address is: http://sunshinepromises.blogspot.com/
Love you girl.
Sweet Leah, I love you. I know your pain and your sorrow. I have experienced it three times and it is never easy. I am always here if you need a hug or a break or a soda. Let me know. I love you and your special spirit. I know the Lord loves you and is aware of your loss. He will comfort and guide you. Call if you need anything! I am always good for a laugh.
my heart is sad too. love you.
Oh Leah! How hard. Good luck as you go through this. Mourn that baby as long as you need to. We're all here for you.
Miscarriages are so hard. I've been through two and pray I never have to experience one again. But time passes and we can take comfort in the thought that we can get pregnant again. Your a good mom. It will be okay. Praying for you...
Again I am sorry for your loss. Hope it gets better with each day and I am glad you are finding peace at times.
I am so so sorry for your loss. You are loved and supported Leah by so many family and friends but especially by the Lord. He knows and loves you and will always be there for you. Love you tons sweet friend and sending hugs. This is an amazing talk that can bring you peace.
http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/more-than-conquerors-through-him-that-loved-us?lang=eng&query=More+than+conquerors+through+him+loved+us
I have been thinking of you often over the last few weeks and praying for your family. I love that poem and have never heard one like it before. Thanks for sharing it! Remember there are lots of people thinking and praying for you!
I am so sorry for your loss Leah. So many of us have been down that road. I just had my 8th consecutive m/c in July. If you ever need to talk, please, call me. Big Huge Hugs!!!
Leah, I truly know how you feel, and from my own exact experience of this a few months ago, can definitely say that it will get better and that there truly are reasons beyond our understanding of why this happens to some of us. I told people right away as well and felt foolish and cried every day and at the drop of a hat for awhile. but it does get better and you will get pregnant again. It happened for me and I know it will happen for you too. I know how anyone can say everything to try and make you feel better, but it just takes time to really heal the wounds of this. I know from experience it will get better! It was good to see you! And hope you are starting to feel better!
Love,
Mandy
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