Doug recently left on a 5 day vacation. My momminess was put to the test. I prayed really hard each morning and night that I would be patient and loving with my little ones. For the most part things went well. My Mom came up on the weekend to help which was AWESOME. But it seems like I am a SUPER mom until about 5:30 rolls around. And then the horns come out. My house is a mess...the kids are hungry, I am at my wits ends with my patience/crying/hold me level. Does anyone else feel like this? Sometimes I just cry right along with them. And then I drink a soda ( can't seem to get the diet under control....another reason for my frustration)
This is what is trying my patience most these days....the boys climb on the table ALL DAY LONG! They have fallen off before, and most of the time I take them off the table and gently remind them to stay off the table.
Tonight however at dinner, the boys were done so I took them out of their high chairs and let them play. They kept climbing on the table and it was past 5:30 and I was D.O.N.E.....I gave Clark a little swat on the bum and told him "No." My girls watching me said..."Mom I love you...I want to be a mom just like you..".and off they went and told Grant "NO!" then swatted him on the bum.
That is what is so hard for me...I am teaching my girls by example to be good mothers...and most of the time I feel like a failure. The girls will make comments like...
*It sure is hard with these brothers.
*Don't you wish Dad were here?
*Are you sad mom...the brothers are so much work mom.
*It's to hard to go out mom...the brothers are so hard.
I feel so bad that this is what they see every day. The girls seem to get the brunt of my frustrations.....
I wish I could just never loose my cool...and that my girls would see the mother I really want to be.
This is what most of my days look like....seconds late Clark jabbed his finger into Grant's eye....poor baby. I was too far away to stop it.
The boys are 18 months old next week and it's starting....you know...the dreaded years of toddlerhood. Having lived through them with the girls I know it's just a few years....but these boys...Holy cow. They are so busy and rough and tumble. Clark tackles Grant all the time...for no reason, just to be rough. They are starting the biting/hitting/No phase...and taking it out on me and their sisters.
I really shouldn't complain. I have 4 healthy babies. I get to stay home and watch them grow. I have the most wonderful husband and supporter But sometimes I am just plain overwhelmed. I know Heavenly Father knew I could handle it....I just need to remind myself of that.
Grant has a new silly face.
16 comments:
First of all, I KNOW that you aren't alone. I only have one child but still at times am overwhelmed. You have four!! You are an amazing woman Leah and raising small children is never easy but its the most precious job there is and Heavenly Father knows that we are all trying our best and by staying close to him we will get the guidnace we need to raise our children properly. Don't ever doubt yourself as a parent, I always look at you and think she is such a beautiful, strong woman. I really do Leah and I want you to know that. I love ya friend and if you ever need help of someone to talk to I'm here :-)
I am relieved to know that you, "Super Mom" actually do have reality moments as well. You are an awesome mom and seem to do it all with a smile. I don't know if I could do what you are doing Leah, but you handle it with such grace. Boys definetly are different than girls. I agree with you 110%. Don't be to hard on yourself. Or come and visit my house and you will feel so much better about your mothering skills. :)
I know there is always room for improvement. And yet... your kids are happy and healthy and love their little lives. You're doing just fine.
Motherhood is ROUGH. Have I told you how often I am in the midst of "losing it" and I think "Leah has twice as many kids as I do!!!"
18 months is HARD. Liz and I were talking about it a few months ago. You are definately in rough phase. Give yourself some credit for all the good you do. Maybe make a list of good mommy deeds each day so when you can read through them at night and remind yourself that the day wasn't a total failure! :)
Love you. Hang in there.
I'm sorry you feel like this Leah! I have constant guilt about the bad example I am setting whenever I lose it in front of them. And it always seems to be that time of day too!
At church this last week, we had a lesson on patience in Relief Society that I want to share with you. (I think that is why I had to come to earth...to learn patience!)
Anyway, back to the lesson. The teacher said something that changed how I feel about my repeated mistakes with patience or the lack of. She said that God doesn't see the real me as who I was just yesterday, today or even tomorrow...but he sees me as the eternal me. Does that makes sense? To me it means that although I've been struggling with my patience more as a mommy than I ever have in my life before and I continue to need to repent everyday and yet know that I will make the same mistakes again tomorrow....there is a SOMEDAY that I will overcome this and win. That's the eternal me that He sees and knows I am. He loves me and knows that despite my weaknesses, my children will still grow to be the kind of people to accomplish their earthly missions anyway. And the same applies to you. I love you.
As another mom to a toddler boy I can say, I feel your pain.
I can't imagine having two to deal with. One is enough to make me shut myself in the bathroom every afternoon and cry. lol
Soda is a struggle for me, too. I hate it :-(
Oh my gosh, I've been there, and I only have ONE! I can't imagine how hard it must be! Don't feel bad about swatting Grant on the bottom. I'm a firm believer in spankings. It might be a great teachable moment for your girls about how one day they will have the opportunity to be Moms like you, but right now, you are the mom, so you are the only one who gets to discipline. I'm already having discipline issues with Piper and she's only 12 months old. It's exhausting, but it will pay off in the end. As my mom says, "Discipline is a necessary part of raising a child who you will want to be around for the rest of your life." Love you, girl! Hang in there!
You are doing a wonderful job, don't you feel otherwise! As the girls grow older they will remember your patience, your love, your smile and happy self. They are only emulating what they see at the moment and don't understand the complexity of mothering and all the effort that goes into it.
I totally feel your pain with the witching hour between dinner and bed and when everyone is finally in bed there is such a sense of relief and a feeling of exhaustion as you realize how much energy is in those little bodies.
Sugar is my drug of choice and oh how I wish I was driven to exercise, instead I find solace in a cookie or cake. Dang it. Love you Leah!
I pretty much agree with what everyone has written. You are a super mom, they will get older and learn to be obedient, your girls and boys know you love them, your girls will learn that motherhood is THE hardest and most rewarding thing they will ever do and that you were brave enough to do it en mass.
Sometimes I wish God wouldn't trust me to handle so much but I guess He knows better. Deep breath, tomorrow is a new day and babies are precious when they sleep!
Thanks for being real Leah! It's nice to know that others have struggles too. We all strive to improve...I guess that is the purpose of life. Keep plugging along!
My sweet neighbor taught me a really good lesson once when I was having a 'less than good mother' kind of day. She said "I think it's good that our kids see us as who we are and can learn that even being the mom is hard. It helps them also appreciate us." Profound, I know! I have thought about that often...truly what a good example when we can be real and we can learn WITH them and they seeing us learn and grow. That's the example that we learn and grow with struggles. Because really, we always have those kinds of days...they will have those kinds of days in the future and if we teach them they are ok then maybe they won't judge themselves as hard as we are judging ourselves...so I say, good lesson teaching skills Leah! Way to go! No guilt in being human and having limits. And no guilt in letting our children know those limits too!
She also added, which I love...kids need to see our crazy! I agree.
***Note: that's not an excuse to go crazy more often though! *winks*
Leah, I know exactly how you feel. You are a wonderful mother and a fantastic example to your sweet babies. I promise that they see all of the good things too but children are more vocal about the negative. I have seen how you are with them and you are wonderful. They are lucky to have you as their mother and I am lucky to have you as my friend. I know what it is like to be down but it will get better. I love you and the Lord loves you and knows your heart. This too shall pass, right?
Oh Leah, we all have our days and sometimes even weeks, but it doesn't mean we're not doing our best. I always look at you and think "Wow, how does she do it, she is superwoman!" Just remember that so many of us moms look up to you!
Like everyone else said, we all feel the same way about ourselves and think you're amazing!
I so understand how you feel! We all do of course but I know how much more you are being tried than maybe some others. And yet, like you say, it's really a blessing but it's a blessing that comes with great challenge. I lose my patience all the time. My big girls were spanked so much, but I can see how much better I am with the little girls, but lately I'm starting to do it a little more with them too. You know, someone told me once, that they are going to remember all this stuff when they are little. And when they are bigger it really WILL be better. 2 sets of twins so close together is something not many people can imagine. You are doing awesome and all they will remember are the good things.
And I completely understand the climbing on the table thing. Was going through that a year ago. Grrrr....... can't get ANYthing done when you are trying to keep 2 toddlers off a table and everything else ALL day long. Hang in there.
I love your honesty, Leah! Yeah, we all have our moments (or days or months) when we are not the mothers we want to be. I used to feel so guilty every night about what an impatient mom I was when I had three little boys running around. Those were hard times, but now I totally miss them! :) And luckily, they have short little memories, and we can keep improving. You are a great momma, and you are doing a fantastic job with your four cutie pies. **Hugs**
Post a Comment